My mind was set for to expect nothing. Not to want. Not to desire. Not to respond at these advances that were too intimate. These behavior meant exactly that: his hand brushing at every part of my skin, intentional or otherwise. His gaze was fixed, intense, on me. As if his looking at me would absorb me entirely. He spoke with such low voice, near my ears. I like you, I like you. And I chose to not reply anything after that. Even when he would corner me against a wall, would force me to gaze straight at his heated stare.
I did not say anything, biting my cheeks and holding my breath. Not again, I thought to myself. How many times would I fall, believing in such words and only to fall so hard, so bad. And then be left to cry through the night and wondering why I was left abandoned.
My disbelief was apparent in my eyes; gaze searching as if trying to look past at those words and trying to decipher the real code behind it. I like you? As if.
You, like everyone else before, would hurt me. You would without fail. And in the recesses of my heart I hoped, I prayed… that the next time would be worth it. I did not know of your intentions. I questioned it more than ten times in my head. You, you. You who were stepping beyond my boundaries, tenaciously breaking down my walls. You, you. Why were you doing this?
I like you, I like you.
What must I do for you to believe me? What must I say to convince you my affection? I like you. I want you. You make me feel all sorts of emotions that I cannot comprehend any more. You make me…
My mind was set for to expect nothing. Not to want. Not to desire. But I knew, at one point, I would. Your hand cradled my cheek so dearly; a callous thumb gently on rubbing my cheek. As if you were trying to translate your emotions through these small touches I tried to mentally fight against, after all this time. I cannot, I cannot…
I was afraid. I was shaking, one breath away from crying.
I hope to chase away what frightens your heart. I hope to be that person who won’t make you question anything about yourself. I hope to inspire you, to encourage you. To be equally fitting for you, to be there at your happiest and most worst. I hope to be your other half of this Lifetime. I cannot promise not to hurt you but I can promise to do my best for you to be where you belong. Among so many, among the thousand existing and existences, I choose you. I will choose you. Please believe me…
I cried. And for the first time, for the longest, this one felt real.